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April 22 dreamsThe dreams I dreamed fell apart at the seams but I kept them anyway for I hope to learn to sew one day. February 23 I HATE THE WORLDI HATE THE WORLD BECAUSE IT HAS NOT LEARNED TO LOVE (STOLEN FROM VICKY CHRISTINA BARCELONA) December 22 cold and snowyWell here it is a few days to christmas and its so cold and snowy just as a white christmas should be I suppose. I must be in a caccoon at the moment everything seems far away and muffled to me as I live this very small life I have wove around me.My heart urns to break out and go but I am held back by my own inability to go forward.Seeminly frozen like the world around me I wait for a new day of spring to awaken me to the life I dream of. ZZZzzzzz for now November 26 ghost townAs I surf around abit here on the spaces they feel like a ghost town to me now. I know that there are a few people here from when I started and I value those friends but alot of the spaces are unused and sittling like digital reminders of a time when this was a huge part of my life.The spaces changed my life for a time, and changed the lives of others also.I deleted everything to do with Karen off here today not that I have thought of her much which seems sad but I have no reason to keep it on here anymore for that was all a shadow and a ghost too.My digital persona is divided between facebook and msn windows live and a host of other sites I rarely use.Like some great fractionation of my digital self perhaps when they finally all fall away there will be the empty limitless space of potential waiting outside the dusty landscape of these once bustling spaces. October 30 wtfwtf hard to believe I even still have this space.
I remember when I used to blog everyday and sometimes two times.I look at my entries and think I am an idiot always sounding the same and blathering on about nothing. Life and reality are constantly changing and I suppose I have forced change to happen in my life so often that it seems normal. I wonder if the isn't just some subconscious force to make me synchronize with the chaotic undercurrent of reality. I am even more driven inside myself to make some sense of life , of the world, of my own self (if there really is one) I am at a junction of all my beliefs and don't want to accept anything I was ever taught by anyone. I look at this mad fucked up world and all I can say is WTF (this is not a bad thing). I have lived my whole life in a bubble created by fear, worry,self rejection,and timidness. I almost want my soul to overload like a computer that has bad code and reboot or re format. There is an impossible and wonderous universe that I want to get to know and my little world view that has carried me thus far is so small it hurts. Here's to total meltdown cheers
July 23 I don't really blog at all any morewell here it is my once every 6 months maybe even longer between blogs blog.I think about all the time that has past since I first started this space and how I really don't blog at all any more.In one respect this space changed my life but even those changes were for someone else.The best thing I got out of the space thing was dottey as a friend I hope to one day meet her.I realize that I don't have much to say right now.
I am on the edge of what I hope will be my greatest and permanant adventure. I will follow my dream if it kills me this time and I hope to hurt only myself in the doing of it!!!!! I love me!!! and I am starting to see its the begining of whats real.
I'll be looking for you out in the great big world.
May 08 wonderingJust wondering what life may some day be
When I am in the moment before me
I have lost a lot of my soul these past few years at least if feels that way.
I need change constantly to feel alive.
I wonder if I will ever again find the wonder November 09 wordswhat to say after so long not blogging.I have been living my safe life for so long that I don't have strength to dream any more.Today I feel like just quitting my job and starting to live!!!
But I won't ,Iwill carry on for another day the same dependable person that some have come to love. November 17 low coolantI am still alive , had a bad night my car broke down
maybe I will say more later
boy oh boy sheesh September 28 So over dueWell Its been a way too long since I blogged!!!!
I wish I could say I have alot of energy to write some profound things but I don't. I am hiring a new staff member this weekend so I will soon have time for things (maybe even a blog or two) It has been tiring with so much work but I have tried to get away to see karen and my friends when I can. I have made a new friend here at work his name is dustin (he works for me) He and I have hit it off because we both play guitars, I am encouraging him to get up with me soon and do some songs at either an open mic night or here at church so stay tuned.....
I hope I can stop in and say hi to the few of you who still know I exsist August 25 just another blogI am having such a hard time blogging these days. I remember last year I could not go a day without blogging and sometimes 2 blogs in a day.
This blog finds me in a rather tired state I have just recently s
started a new job and the demands on my time are
paramount to say the least. I will therefore give a bullet
point summary of things in my life
1) loving God enjoying his presense
2) working lots ,emotions up and down due to it
3) missing Karen due to no. 2
4) missing my creative endevours also due to no. 2
5) really needing to buy a car too much transit
also due to no. 2
that is all August 05 this new spaces formatt sucksI really don't like the fact that now I am advertising
for God knows what now.
That top banner takes up way to much space
If I didn't feel attached to my space I would delete it but I won't because
I feel it may still have some value for me at some time. July 24 ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ
ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ
ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ
ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ
ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ
WHY ARE Z'S USED FOR SNORING? |
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